She is so clueless sometimes it’s amazing to me that she keeps surviving, and that thing where she’s in lust with two guys at the same time, what’s up with that? I mean, seriously, make up your mind already. It’s been 21 books and counting. The tension should be long gone, or the two of them should have beaten each others’ brains out several times during the course of those 21 books. Of course she should also be dead multiple times, but somehow she keeps luckily escaping, like a cat with its proverbial 9 lives.
Her name is Stephanie Plum, and she is so ridiculous sometimes that I can’t help but laugh out loud whenever she actually does catch someone who has skipped out on bail and needs to be rebonded. She’s been shot at enough times by bad guys, by good guys, and by random guys who weren’t really shooting at her, but near her. She’s been held prisoner, trapped in seemingly hopeless situations, and has an endless rotation of people she’s known forever who constantly judge her for not settling down, one of which is her own mother, who seems a little too caricature for my tastes.
And then there’s her Grandma. God bless that woman, but she’s an absolute mess. It’s no wonder where Stephanie gets her issues from, but that being said, Grandma is also the source of the spunk that makes Stephanie so delightful as a character in the first place. But the hamster, yeah, the hamster must go. If I have to hear about Rex’s soup can one more time I’m going to start putting my fingers in my ears and making faces at the book. Honestly. He’s outlived his usefulness as a tertiary character, and he needs to make his way to “fun on the farm.”
Don’t get me started on the abysmal movie choice to cast Katherine Heigl (I don’t even care if I spell her name correctly) as this quintessential Jersey girl. The accent is all off. The looks are all off. And the feeling is all off. If they had to start a movie franchise based on this clueless heroine at least get an unknown actual Jersey girl to play the role. It would only be fitting to play it that way, and not to sully the name of Ms. Plum with an actress who doesn’t fit the bill. At all. Better yet, just leave the movie count at 1 and keep my girl Stephanie pinned to the pages of her books instead of gallivanting on the big screen.
For the record, I think she should just ditch Morelli and just go ahead and get Ranger out of her system. She needs to just jump for it and see how far it goes. We all know it’s not heading to marriage, but maybe if she goes as far as she can she’ll get some perspective on it, and perhaps the sexual tension between the two can dissipate. It’s the only thing keeping her from committing to someone else (Morelli) and finally giving her mother the grandchildren she so desires.
Nevertheless, I love Stephanie Plum. She’s feisty, and because she’s clueless she gets into some purely hilarious situations. I find myself laughing out loud at her antics, especially when she goes on the road with her stereotypical black sidekick (and former ho — lest we forget), Lula. The two of them always seem to leave the skip by him/herself long enough for him/her to slip out the back door (there’s always a back door) and deprive them of their body receipt, and therefore their much-needed money.
Oh, and if I had the money I would buy Stephanie Plum a bullet-proof, reinforced titanium alloy car so she can get from Point A to Point B without getting it blown up, set on fire, or stripped (I mean, even I know that if you park on Stark Street you will return to a stripped car, and I’ve never even been on Stark Street). Look alive, Plum! Or maybe I wouldn’t even buy her a car because she’s likely to find some other way of getting it destroyed, and then I’m out the money and she’s still driving Big Blue.
Yeah, I love Stephanie Plum despite all the drama she creates and that springs up around her, because she puts up with a lot and somehow still comes through in the end, like any good heroine does. But she doesn’t stay clean throughout. She’s often roughed up, her clothes sullied, her apartment blown up, or any combination of variables that keep her heart rate high. It’s this high state of action that keeps drawing me back to her, the girl from the ‘Burb who likes donuts way too much and never has anything in her fridge.
Because, yeah, that’s who she is, and I wouldn’t change a thing.